The god-awful lingering taste of the Vanilla Absolut wasn't gonna be enough to quench my self destructive thirst at 3:15 on a Thursday morning, but it's the closest thing to the Pale as I was gonna find. I knew that I would need all the help I could get for this particular journey through the valley of the shadow of death. Who knows where I may end up when the sun peaks over the mountains. Dead? Alive? Even if I'm alive I don't want to recognize my surroundings. I've had enough of the familiar. The same four walls, the same music, the same magazines, the same bored and alone 3am.
Another shot. Another "that's god-awful" face. Slip on shoes, leather jacket, lift the door to close as I leave. Chilly outside. Stars. No moon, but dry. The alcohol laughs at the cold. This isn't Russia so the Vodka doesn't care.
I'd rather go straight to Hell as long as it's not boring, but maybe that's exactly what my Hell would be like. Maybe I'm already there. Dunno, but I'm gonna go do something interesting. Don't know what it is yet, but that's probably the only reason to do it.
By the time I realize I've been walking, I'm already on my way down town. My jeans feel frozen; like they were taken out of the wash machine and hung up in a meat locker, or a blizzard. Stiff and cold against hot skin.
I totally bypass all the main streets. I don't have that kind of money. Expensive junk to keep on the shelf and look pretty. I've got more than a house-full of stuff and I don't care if any of it looks pretty. It doesn't interest me. But the side streets have alleys and less proper businesses. Tattoo parlors, sex shops.
The concrete beneath my feet is the only thing that feels solid. I make a right turn down an alley way. What's the worst that could happen? Get Mugged? I don't have, or even look like I have anything worth taking.
Two people up on my left. The world spins a bit. Finally the Absolut is doing something. I think I see some skin, but I can't tell where or from who. The girl is almost completely flat-chested. Young, but too skinny. Definitely drugged out. She drops to her knees and faces away from me, towards the guy as I pass.
Maybe it's the scenery or maybe just the brisk walk as I pick up the pace, but my breath leaves a vapor trail as I walk by. The only sounds are the soft click-click of my heels and a slight slurping sound. Definitely not my destination. Not exactly at least. I'll skip the STD's thank you very much. I don't think I've ever been that bored.
I don't know if alcohol is the catalyst or is what has kept me from being here sooner. As I'm pondering this I realize I came in through the back door of this operation and the pimp is very unhappy that a potential pig is in between him and his whore. It's very ironic. He trusts her with total strangers until there is someone blocking his view.
There are so many obscenities screamed within the first 30 seconds that I can't even begin to count. "WTF?" as they say at work doesn't even begin to describe it.
"I'm just looking for a good time." I say.
"A block too early." I say.
He grins. A long-hair looking for a good time. Drunk. He smells fresh meat and saves the rest of his curses for one of his girls. The sonova bitch. But I need companionship more than I need to be a witness at a trial for prostitution. Funny how God has planned us. Deny our impulses and be saved!!!
The pimp grabs one of his girls by the arm, pushes her toward me and mentions something about stairs as he hikes his thumb over his shoulder. Either this guy has a strange, thick accent or I'm drunker than I thought. The girl looks me right in the eye for a split second then looks down and say's "C'mon" as she turns and leads me up the street. I wonder if she can tell how much I've had to drink as I follow the click-click of her high heels on the frozen pavement. She opens a metal and glass door to an apartment complex and the chilling frame stings against my burning fingers. She walks on her tip toes as we climb the stairs and I finally start to lose my nerve. What the hell am I doing here? I could be saving up money and leave this place or put that money towards college. Work at learning something instead of blowing it all in one night.
Yeah, but fuck that. Too much knowledge is what got me here to begin with. All the games at work to climb the company ladder makes all to much sense. It's when I act like the company man that I hate. You just have to be false. Act like them. Care about no one except your boss. Fuck them too.
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