After working a desk job for too long I am finally back on the right track. I'm typing this post with cramped fingers and a sore back and I am so grateful. I believe that Tyler Durden was absolutely correct when he spoke of "a generation of men being raised by women". All these guys wearing pink shirts and khakis need to have a permanent mushroom stamp embedded right between their eyes. It's okay to do something 'less manly' once in a while, but there are too many so-called guys that have been pusified into touchy-feely school girls who hide behind rules and laws to save themselves from getting bitch slapped for their stupidity. I, for one, am very happy to be able to take a huge step in the other direction. Aside from the change in employment I accomplished many things that some may consider to be outdated or even sexist, but I am all for it.
The weekend started with me driving up to Little Spoon's house for the evening. Without giving too much away let's just say that when the time came she didn't want me to go home and neither did I. The next day my abs and arms were sore and I was dying for a sandwich so I bought her, her kids and I Subway for lunch/breakfast. I was still tired, so things kinda blurred together after that. I taught her two year old how to use a screw driver and even her sister's 6 year old can now properly operate a hammer without crushing fingers. I carried a TV stand all by myself, much to her sister's surprise, and carried Little Spoon to her bedroom after everyone else had gone to bed.
The following morning she insisted on washing my clothes and fixing me supper as payment for everything I had done and helping keep her kids in line when she needed a break. She even fed me bites of her ice cream and her cookie. Yeah, I was that good this weekend. Guys who drive Honda Civics read about stuff like this in romance novels. They bookmark the Vogue Magazine they stole out of the waiting room where they get their hair cut so they can read about it when they're alone in bed. I've been trying my whole life to have a manly epic moment like this. A lot of guys are just demanding jerks, but everything that she did for me this weekend was strictly voluntary. Which made it all that much better.
Sunday night was truly phenomenal. She sent me a sexy picture of her in the bedroom while I was taking a shower. It's one of those pictures that you hang on to for the duration of the relationship or longer. When I finally got to lay down with her though she played hard to get. Saying that "She was tired," or "that she may read her Kindle for a while." Finally I decided to just take what I wanted: her. And that was exactly what she wanted. Before too long I heard her cry out my name followed by those magic, cock-hardening, words "I'm cumming!"
Afterwards she got dressed again and started taking pictures with her phone. First of herself, then me and one of us together. They were all very PG-13, but the process of taking them was a lot of fun. She got to talking about sexy outfits that she had and the topic of a wedding dress that she never got to use came up. I told her that I would love to see it and she hopped out of bed to grab it from the closet. Before she could turn to show me I took off her shirt and asked if I could take a picture of her in the dress. I zipped her up then sat on the bed and pulled her close enough to straddle me.
I gave her the most passionate kiss I could as I scooped her up and laid her down. With one hand I held both of her wrists firmly to the bed and scrunched up the hem of her dress as I nibbled on her neck. She still had not put on any panties and I could tell that she was really enjoying this. The light from the bathroom was still spilling out to where I laid on top of her on the bed. Her forehead was scrunched together and elevated. Mouth hanging open in an 'Ah' sound as she breathed in and out in short bursts. I decided to take this moment to touch her legs with my free hand and stick my tongue in her mouth. We both breathed harder as I slid into her a little deeper. In the final moment, before I came, I remember looking down at those round, soft breasts bouncing and her freshly shaven legs leading down to where I had hiked up her dress. Suddenly I knew that there was no going back and I pulled out and bit down gently on her breast through the thick, frosting-white padding. I felt myself throbbing now in the open air and she asked if I was okay. "Mmmmmm hmmm." I mumbled around her C-cup. I looked up and saw a wide smile on her face as she realized what had just happened. She had waited all weekend for me to cum. "I WIN!!" she announced victoriously.
Despite popular opinion, some girls really do want a man to be manly and do manly things. As a man sometimes you have to go and take what you want. I wanted her and that was exactly what she was hoping for.
I'm sure that some are not going to see the humor in all of this so please leave your complaints in the comments below.
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
[good or bad] Part 2
(Read Part 1 first!)
For the rest of the week I was truly hoping that the third time's a charm. All this peanut-butter-hold-the-jelly stuff was getting hard to swallow. It was do or die time. Little Spoon was having a birthday party and I was invited. Either I was getting laid this time or I was going to swear off women all together.
For the rest of the week I was truly hoping that the third time's a charm. All this peanut-butter-hold-the-jelly stuff was getting hard to swallow. It was do or die time. Little Spoon was having a birthday party and I was invited. Either I was getting laid this time or I was going to swear off women all together.
I got ready after work and drove to a bar in Little Spoon's town. Jasmine was there and very happy to see me. She gave me a hello hug and whispered in my ear "Hit on her tonight. We'll have our chance later." 'Okay,' I thought. 'That makes any decision making tonight a lot easier.'
The night was an interesting array of ups and downs. The girls were very flighty. Nobody seemed to stay put for very long and I spent much of the night talking to Jasmine. At one point one of Little Spoon's friends came up with a guy in tow. The music was loud so I had to assume that the round guy, beer in hand, didn't realize I could here him propositioning the girl that I had driven there to be with. The audacity of some people really baffles me. This was, in fact, the very reason that I don't like guys. I may be male, but I'm also the first to admit that guys are assholes. I waited for Little Spoon to tell him off and when it didn't happen initially I first considered punching him in the face and then considered going home with Jasmine instead. I mean, it wasn't like I was really with anyone here. She had only personally invited me and picked out a skirt for me because she knew I thought they were sexy.
Either way, she finally told him something and he walked away to the bar. I don't know exactly what she said, but it wasn't a 'no'. 'Damn women,' I thought. 'Why do they always have to be such a pain in the ass?' But with him gone for now I decided to go to the bathroom while I had the chance.
On my way back I again had the sudden urge to punch this guy in the face. Little Spoon had joined him up at the bar. Was this some sort of test? Was she wanting to see what I would do to get her? I hate playing games, but that's not to say I don't know how they work. I sat down at the table and took a drink of my Corona trying to play it cool. The bitter lime taste seemed to stain my lower lip and my mind started grinding at what possibilities lay before me. Either I A: Punch him B: Make out with Jasmine when she gets back or C: Finish my beer and leave.
I was still sober enough that my brain knew the right answer, but she did look pretty sexy in that short skirt and my hormones wanted to compromise. He seemed pretty drunk. Worse case scenario is I get kicked out of and drive home anyways. I walked up to the bar and asked Little Spoon "Is this guy still bothering you?" I could tell that my adrenaline was already pumping a little just because I don't exactly remember what she said but her and I ended up walking back over to the table and sitting down. Leaving the larger version of Tweedledum sitting there alone with his beer.
To this day I don't know if she was just testing me. I just know that I don't like anything that even feels like a test. Thankfully the rest of the night seemed to go a little easier. The bar closed and Jasmine had me take Little Spoon home. When I got there I was even invited to come inside, but on one condition. I couldn't stay. She wasn't ready for me to meet her kids, but I could lay down with her for a while.
Either way, she finally told him something and he walked away to the bar. I don't know exactly what she said, but it wasn't a 'no'. 'Damn women,' I thought. 'Why do they always have to be such a pain in the ass?' But with him gone for now I decided to go to the bathroom while I had the chance.
On my way back I again had the sudden urge to punch this guy in the face. Little Spoon had joined him up at the bar. Was this some sort of test? Was she wanting to see what I would do to get her? I hate playing games, but that's not to say I don't know how they work. I sat down at the table and took a drink of my Corona trying to play it cool. The bitter lime taste seemed to stain my lower lip and my mind started grinding at what possibilities lay before me. Either I A: Punch him B: Make out with Jasmine when she gets back or C: Finish my beer and leave.
I was still sober enough that my brain knew the right answer, but she did look pretty sexy in that short skirt and my hormones wanted to compromise. He seemed pretty drunk. Worse case scenario is I get kicked out of and drive home anyways. I walked up to the bar and asked Little Spoon "Is this guy still bothering you?" I could tell that my adrenaline was already pumping a little just because I don't exactly remember what she said but her and I ended up walking back over to the table and sitting down. Leaving the larger version of Tweedledum sitting there alone with his beer.
To this day I don't know if she was just testing me. I just know that I don't like anything that even feels like a test. Thankfully the rest of the night seemed to go a little easier. The bar closed and Jasmine had me take Little Spoon home. When I got there I was even invited to come inside, but on one condition. I couldn't stay. She wasn't ready for me to meet her kids, but I could lay down with her for a while.
Her alarm went off at 6AM and I began my trek home. I made a quick pass through the Baker and Barstow and Berdoo of the region. I felt like I was headed back to LA, into frantic oblivion: safety, obscurity, just another freak in the Freak Kingdom. Hungry, hung over, tired and still a little drunk, but at least I'd finally broken the trend.
I felt like this must have been the type of rigorous training that they put marines through on their last days of boot camp. a little breakfast, little sleep, work, drive out of town, drink, have strenuous sexual activities, sleep 1 hour, drive, lil food, blog about it while the sun rises and try to remember every detail. It's time for a fucking nap.
Monday, February 14, 2011
[good or bad] Part 1
There's been a strange pattern emerging at the end of 2010 and it's carrying on into the new year. Twice now I've taken home a girl. She sleeps next to me, but there was no sex. It's an odd thing, but in both cases the girl was just exhausted and fell asleep in seconds. Of course, there's always something important going on the next day and they had to get up and leave.
The first occasion was a textbook one-night stand minus the sex. She was traveling through and wanted to see the city and get some sleep. We drank, hung out with a friend, then she and I curled up on my couch to watch a movie. One second she's talking and the next I ask her a question and get no response whatsoever. The following morning she's talking about how we almost had sex, but that she was asleep before she knew it. Then she hopped in her car, headed for Tennessee and that was the last I saw her.
It was very much like having a craving for a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. You open the refrigerator and realize that you loaned the only jar of jelly you had to the neighbor last week and it never came back. The peanut butter sandwich is okay, but that craving is still there. If I were this nice all the time I would be starving and never get laid at all.
The second occasion was even crazier. Deserving of an entry into the pages of Murphy's Law.
The Iskanoff Principle: If a guy brings home 2 women and doesn't have sex with the first one, then nobody is having sex.
I was invited into the lion's den of get-togethers. It was an all-u-can-drink we-hate-men party of five. Sixth wheel may not be a real term, but it feels right. The table was just big enough for 5 chairs. There were nasty stares from some and others refused eye contact all together. Thankfully, I had at least 2 fans that were willing to not kill me on the spot for having a penis.
The first was the girl who had invited me in the first place, Jasmine. I knew her from a birthday party sometime back, but hadn't really seen her since. Still, she was easy to pick out of the crowd and I'll probably always picture her the way I saw her that night. Dark red lipstick emphasized her wide smile, a sparkle in her eyes that gives the impression of a happy soul, and smooth, white cleavage framed with a low-cut black sleeveless top. A very classy girl, always happy and energetic, ready for fun. The sweet perfume that she was wearing that night lingered lightly on my blanket causing me to have erotic dreams for better than a week.
The second was a new face with alluring eyes and a mischieviously cute smile. Let's call her Little Spoon. I Didn't know her very well at the time, but she was the one who was gonna break this no-sex habit. My savior, so to speak, but not until later. The fates had this night planned out quite a bit differently. It was like that of a good mystery novel where you really don't know what's gonna happen until you get to the very last page.
Both girls lived out of town and it was really starting to get late. We stopped by my place to use the restroom and almost stayed there for the night, but it was decided that food was to be had first. I don't remember quite when the topic had come up, but at some point one girl looked at the other and said "We should take him home." It's something that most guys never hear and only a select few have the opportunity to actually go home with them both. I wasn't sure if she was just joking or if it was the alcohol talking, but I had to try hard not to get my hopes up. They were incredibly hot and I really wanted to sleep with both of them, preferably together.
After a trip to IHOP the idea of the three of us together came up again, but they were getting tired and had thought of just driving home to their respective houses. However, since I was the most sober I was the one driving and made sure that everyone ended up back at my house for the evening. After they had decided to stay they mentioned pajamas, which I hadn't expected. I only had one pair so they took them and both went to the bathroom to get changed. When they came back out I had to try very hard not to smile or show how turned on I was. Jasmine came out wearing a shirt and black underwear and Little Spoon had on my pajamas because she wasn't wearing any underwear that night.
But to my dismay they were soon talking of how tired they both were. Little Spoon had quickly decided that the bed was to be hers for the night and Jasmine wanted to fall asleep on the couch while watching a movie. It was at this point that I realized that there was no real chance of a threesome. Actually there was very little chance of anything happening. If Jasmine and I were to start having sex on the couch Little Spoon would certainly hear us in the next room. Yep, the rest of the night was sure to be one moral decision after another. Little Spoon disappeared into the bedroom and Jasmine and I layed down on the couch with her in front and my arm wrapped around her. I remember whispering something in her ear as I kissed the back of her shoulder and touched her smooth legs. I traced a line over the sexy curve of her hip and moved my hand up to cup her breast and that was when I realized that she was already asleep.
This was quickly turning into a repeat of the last time, but what was I to do? I did enjoy the company, but before too long the movie was over, my arm was asleep and I was overheating. I decided to get up and reevaluate the situation. I got some water out of the fridge and went to the bathroom. When I got back to the living room I noticed that Jasmine had stretched out and taken up the whole couch. In truth, I have yet to see a couch that was intended for two people to sleep comfortably on it at the same time, but now what?
I peered into the bedroom and saw Little Spoon curled up facing the wall. The blankets made an outline that was a little hazy in the dark, but you could tell that they were pulled up close around her. I wasn't about to wake her up and start a fight between her and Jasmine about changing girls in the middle of the night, but the list of places I could lay down were becoming very limited and the length of the evening was starting to weigh on me.
I couldn't decide if I should snuggle up to her and had finally decided to give her her space. I determined that I rest for a few hours then wake Jasmine up with some kisses and heavy petting.
Next thing I know the bed is shifting and Little Spoon is walking through the kitchen to the bathroom. I open my eyes enough to realize that the sun is coming up and I missed my chance. They were getting ready to go home. I really hate being a nice guy sometimes.
(Continue with Part 2)
The first occasion was a textbook one-night stand minus the sex. She was traveling through and wanted to see the city and get some sleep. We drank, hung out with a friend, then she and I curled up on my couch to watch a movie. One second she's talking and the next I ask her a question and get no response whatsoever. The following morning she's talking about how we almost had sex, but that she was asleep before she knew it. Then she hopped in her car, headed for Tennessee and that was the last I saw her.
It was very much like having a craving for a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. You open the refrigerator and realize that you loaned the only jar of jelly you had to the neighbor last week and it never came back. The peanut butter sandwich is okay, but that craving is still there. If I were this nice all the time I would be starving and never get laid at all.
The second occasion was even crazier. Deserving of an entry into the pages of Murphy's Law.
The Iskanoff Principle: If a guy brings home 2 women and doesn't have sex with the first one, then nobody is having sex.
I was invited into the lion's den of get-togethers. It was an all-u-can-drink we-hate-men party of five. Sixth wheel may not be a real term, but it feels right. The table was just big enough for 5 chairs. There were nasty stares from some and others refused eye contact all together. Thankfully, I had at least 2 fans that were willing to not kill me on the spot for having a penis.
The first was the girl who had invited me in the first place, Jasmine. I knew her from a birthday party sometime back, but hadn't really seen her since. Still, she was easy to pick out of the crowd and I'll probably always picture her the way I saw her that night. Dark red lipstick emphasized her wide smile, a sparkle in her eyes that gives the impression of a happy soul, and smooth, white cleavage framed with a low-cut black sleeveless top. A very classy girl, always happy and energetic, ready for fun. The sweet perfume that she was wearing that night lingered lightly on my blanket causing me to have erotic dreams for better than a week.
The second was a new face with alluring eyes and a mischieviously cute smile. Let's call her Little Spoon. I Didn't know her very well at the time, but she was the one who was gonna break this no-sex habit. My savior, so to speak, but not until later. The fates had this night planned out quite a bit differently. It was like that of a good mystery novel where you really don't know what's gonna happen until you get to the very last page.
Both girls lived out of town and it was really starting to get late. We stopped by my place to use the restroom and almost stayed there for the night, but it was decided that food was to be had first. I don't remember quite when the topic had come up, but at some point one girl looked at the other and said "We should take him home." It's something that most guys never hear and only a select few have the opportunity to actually go home with them both. I wasn't sure if she was just joking or if it was the alcohol talking, but I had to try hard not to get my hopes up. They were incredibly hot and I really wanted to sleep with both of them, preferably together.
After a trip to IHOP the idea of the three of us together came up again, but they were getting tired and had thought of just driving home to their respective houses. However, since I was the most sober I was the one driving and made sure that everyone ended up back at my house for the evening. After they had decided to stay they mentioned pajamas, which I hadn't expected. I only had one pair so they took them and both went to the bathroom to get changed. When they came back out I had to try very hard not to smile or show how turned on I was. Jasmine came out wearing a shirt and black underwear and Little Spoon had on my pajamas because she wasn't wearing any underwear that night.
But to my dismay they were soon talking of how tired they both were. Little Spoon had quickly decided that the bed was to be hers for the night and Jasmine wanted to fall asleep on the couch while watching a movie. It was at this point that I realized that there was no real chance of a threesome. Actually there was very little chance of anything happening. If Jasmine and I were to start having sex on the couch Little Spoon would certainly hear us in the next room. Yep, the rest of the night was sure to be one moral decision after another. Little Spoon disappeared into the bedroom and Jasmine and I layed down on the couch with her in front and my arm wrapped around her. I remember whispering something in her ear as I kissed the back of her shoulder and touched her smooth legs. I traced a line over the sexy curve of her hip and moved my hand up to cup her breast and that was when I realized that she was already asleep.
This was quickly turning into a repeat of the last time, but what was I to do? I did enjoy the company, but before too long the movie was over, my arm was asleep and I was overheating. I decided to get up and reevaluate the situation. I got some water out of the fridge and went to the bathroom. When I got back to the living room I noticed that Jasmine had stretched out and taken up the whole couch. In truth, I have yet to see a couch that was intended for two people to sleep comfortably on it at the same time, but now what?
I peered into the bedroom and saw Little Spoon curled up facing the wall. The blankets made an outline that was a little hazy in the dark, but you could tell that they were pulled up close around her. I wasn't about to wake her up and start a fight between her and Jasmine about changing girls in the middle of the night, but the list of places I could lay down were becoming very limited and the length of the evening was starting to weigh on me.
I couldn't decide if I should snuggle up to her and had finally decided to give her her space. I determined that I rest for a few hours then wake Jasmine up with some kisses and heavy petting.
Next thing I know the bed is shifting and Little Spoon is walking through the kitchen to the bathroom. I open my eyes enough to realize that the sun is coming up and I missed my chance. They were getting ready to go home. I really hate being a nice guy sometimes.
(Continue with Part 2)
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